I’ve got some very exciting news to share. I’ve been offered a job! And it’s not just any job, its diplomatic post.
I didn’t have to schmooze Kevin or even be a ‘successful’ liberal ex-politician. All I had to do was ‘enjoy talking to others’ and love ‘sharing thoughts and information on how they can make a positive difference to the environment, the community and the people around them.’
Obviously my interest in sharing information preceded me (who knew so many powerful people read Crikey?). Because when the diplomatic corps needed help with their environmental community sharing messaging, my name was clearly at the top of the list.
They’ve even noticed (I’m not sure how) that I am renown for being the ‘guardian of the household’ and the maker ‘of family decisions’, so kudos to them and their thorough information gathering. Although to be honest it would have been good not to mention that so publicly. It has gotten me in a bit of bother with her indoors.
My personally engraved invitation arrived just yesterday (copy below). Now some (clearly envious) folks have suggested that it might have been sent to more than just me. But that can’t be true, it is addressed to me personally (it says ‘Dear David’). They are clearly aware of my love of sharing information. And they practically plead with me – signing off with “we would love to hear from you.”
No, naysayers be buggered. Coca-Cola has clearly turned over a new leaf. They have decided to be an environmental saviour of some description (with a diplomatic corps – it’s an ambassador they want). And they need an excellent communicator (oh, say, like me) to help convince people how wrong they’ve been to think of them as just a purveyor of sugar (and water).
Oh there’s some i dotting and t crossing to do, but I’ve filled out their little online form. So I’ll no doubt be taking up my new posting any day now. I wonder if it will be based in the Maldives? I hear they are nice (although prone to flooding due to global warming now – hey maybe they’ll send me straight to Copenhagen).
I can’t wait to start sharing information on how other people can make a positive difference. Maybe I should start now. Ahem – People (that’s you) can make a positive difference to the environment by buying sugar sweetened beverages. The drinks will make you fat, which means not all the sugar is turned into energy. Less energy, less CO2 out of your mouth. So drink up, the planet will thank you!
How am I doing? I reckon I’m made for this corporate spin ambassadoring lark.
Also published in Crikey.